It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
