Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
