why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
