this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
