Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
