I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
