so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
