All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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