I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
