So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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