Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
