oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
