Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
