I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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