I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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