Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
