I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
