Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
