my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
