But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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