quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
