So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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