I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
