Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
