The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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