I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
