i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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