tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize