Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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