i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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