There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
