You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I think I am morally bankrupt
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize