party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
