So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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