singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
