what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
