yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
