please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
