Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
this hospital has no fireball
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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