***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i jhust puked up my retainher.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
they're like a gay fantastic four
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
