I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
