There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
