I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
