i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I forget how to act sober
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
