i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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