My first STD was from a foam party
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize