And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
