On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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