im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
