you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
