and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
