so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
