i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
