I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
