the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
