I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
