My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
