That's intense
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
