don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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