lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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