I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
