Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
