You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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