i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
