it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
MIDGETS
????
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
