Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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