He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
